remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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