just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
