Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
