My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
