I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
