We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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