It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
