He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize