i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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