I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
