it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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