dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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