put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Even my vagina gasped.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
