My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
where does the pee come out of this thing
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
