Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
