I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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