Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize