I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
