I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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