watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You took a bar mat shot.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
