what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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