"it" just moved
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
