Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
