dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
