I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize