Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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