Sry I called you an 8
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
