No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
