You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
