Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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