I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
