I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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