i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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