This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
