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• (212): View more from New York

  mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN

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• (094): View more from

  He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?

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