you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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