Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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