Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
