I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
