he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
