Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
