Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
