I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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