i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
