I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
