This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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