Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We had sex on a dog bed..
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
