the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
