she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
