five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I party with great urgency now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
