The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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