mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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