I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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