OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize