dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
