She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We have so much sex to catch up on
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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