trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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