This girl is more easily done than said...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
