we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize