you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
