Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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