She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
