I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Sober January is a disaster.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
