Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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