morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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