Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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