Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
