i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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