I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
