If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
