the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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