While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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