My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
