Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
