You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
