No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
