your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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