You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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