i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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