Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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