Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my sisters under your porch take her home
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
