Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
