If that was your dad, he is hot
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's just like the Real World with babies
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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