I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
