I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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