i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize