Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
