I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We're too hungover to prance.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
