The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
