I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
