apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
