Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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