ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
