I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize