I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
