Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
