You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
