There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
