somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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