just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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