I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
