reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
