WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
