i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
