i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
