where am i from again
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
