got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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